I Told Myself

Hi my friend! It’s been a while oh *inserts big happy face smiley* 

Exams have been visiting for the past few weeks so I decided to leave this baby of mine and face the papers. Have they been good? Hahaha. Yeah. 

This is me, during a drama performance.
So I told myself I was going to start doing many things to my advantage. People made resolutions at the beginning of the year, Amie here, does hers at the end.

Me again, ministering in songs at DOSSOM, you know i love Jesus right? 🙂
I told myself I was going to be patient. There’s this rushing thing that comes with the end of the year. Everyone wants to do as much or get as much before the year runs out. You can’t see them running, but they might be standing beside you while their minds have travelled to Burkina Faso. 

Waiting is hard. But I’m learning that waiting is fun too. While you wait, there’s an opening for you to see things that you weren’t seeing before, feel things you weren’t feeling before, experience something you might have missed in the course of pursuing that one something.

Of course this is two-sided; you might see, feel, experience some bad stuff, but isn’t that why we grow? To learn?

I told myself I’m young, and so I should savour every moment: the bad ones the most, so that I would know how to handle myself the next time I found myself in a place like that. 

I talked a lot to myself, but even awoof runs the belle, so I’ll take it one at a time.

I’m back

Lol. Exams finish in a few days, so I prophesy my ‘backness’.

Much love,

Your Girlfriend.

Glossary

Awoof: more than enough of something, interchangeable with bonuses.

Belle: stomach.

Musing

There are times when the zeal to do something you love just fades. It’s not for lack of passion, it’s just what it is. But in these times, it is because you know why you started it in the first place, that is what keeps you going.
There will be times when you and a friend will not talk as much as you used to. You might begin to wonder if you are really friends. Or if your job is the right one for you, because there’s no fire anymore.

There will be uncertainties at every turn, sometimes it could be a lack of assuredness that the person you love might not love you back as much as you do them. Or it could be a little thud in your chest that in the place you’re working, people do not appreciate you.

Yet

These things do not make up all of our lives. We have joys, victories, memories, triumphs. We have hope. 

This is for everyone who has felt like this at some point. It’s not your entire life, it’s just one hurdle in your race. So live, and be happy, cry when you need to, and move on. Rise above those feelings and live.

And Live.

Kiss Me

I had to look into the dictionary to fine a word to aptly represent the way I think in my head. I found this:

I got close to someone. We bonded over intellectual property- the beauty in poetry, the way books made you travel through time, the way a word could mean a thousand things. As time went by, he saw through me; past the English, the sarcasm, the wit. He saw the colour of polish on my nails and the hair I never seemed pressed to braid.

We would take walks on long roads and dance in the middle when no car was passing. Then we would lie in the middle of the road when no one was watching. We began to have inside jokes- the ones only both of us understood. We would race our shadows and see who could jump higher to cut leaves from trees. He called it aimless wandering. 

After our walk, we would run under the arcs beside the Senate building and then hide between the walls, because the regular people were asleep or reading- and we were seizing the moment.

It was during one of those times, after we sat down on a slab at the motion ground, sharing a bottle of coke and our very different music playlists, that he kissed me. It was brief, it was polite, it was a question. I answered.

The next time, after our round of aimless wandering, we got to the arc, then sat on the slab. And the next thing I heard was my voice. Kiss me.

She Was Not Beautiful

Hi! I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing a kind of ghost mode…When I just pass that school entrance like this, everything else just goes on strike. 

It’s been a while- as usual these days- I posted. I want to do the three day quote challenge that my friend Purple Butterfly tagged me in, but I want to brain boot before posting quotes…my quotes have to CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

I’m always happy to open my WordPress, today I’m posting a poem I wrote in honour of mothers. I love my mum, she’s my best friend and I was inspired to write it, not just because of her, but because there has begun to be a norm of unappreciativeness and discontent in the world.

She was not beautiful,

You could not see fine skin.

All you saw were spots

And stretch marks

On stretched skin

That stretched to bear you.

But you could not have known.

She was not beautiful,
Her hands were rough.

You preferred soft hands

That made you want to hold them

whenever you felt them

Those hands held hot coal

To keep you warm in the cold.

But you could not have known.

She was not beautiful,
You could not see fine skin.

All you saw were spots

And stretch marks

On stretched skin

That stretched to bear you.

But you could not have known.

She was not beautiful,
Her hands were rough.

You preferred soft hands

That made you want to hold them

whenever you felt them

Those hands held hot coal

To keep you warm in the cold.

But you could not have known.

She was not beautiful,
Her eyes were twitching.

You felt better with cute eyes,

That made you want to damn it all

And lose yourself in them.

Those eyes saw pain

And decided to see it all

So you never had to see as much.

But you could not have known.

She was not beautiful,
Not really on the outside.

She had made sure that

Even if she didn’t appear refined

She had taken the filth

So you never had to look dirty.

And whenever you threw a tantrum

She only smiled. 

It was not your fault.

You could not have known.

She was not beautiful,

Her eyes were twitching.

You felt better with cute eyes,

That made you want to damn it all

And lose yourself in them.

Those eyes saw pain

And decided to see it all

So you never had to see as much.

But you could not have known.


She was not beautiful,

Not really on the outside.

She had made sure that

Even if she didn’t appear refined

She had taken the filth

So you never had to look dirty.

And whenever you threw a tantrum

She only smiled. 

It was not your fault.

You could not have known.

A letter to Zoe

I wrote this for my friend, Olayinka Olaseni. I haven’t shown it to her, I might not show it to her. This is how I write for my friends, it helps me bring some of our times together into words I can keep for years.

Here goes:

I know you know I write. 

I know you’ve know I love you.

I know you know I miss you.

I know you’ve known for a long time.

I bought akara last night, but I could taste a sadness in its oil; it was not the one we ate together. It was just another ball of fried beans, this one bad for my health.

My sister, 
I wish I knew more French than I do, after all, French is the language of love, Oui?

I want to tell you again, I love you and I wish you were here. I’m counting the days in my heart and I’m glad that every day goes to bring you a step back to this place.

So, when you have learnt all the French enough to conquer France, I’ll be here, so we can speak English together. But I will learn enough to let you know that now and always, 
Je t’aime.

                                               Nneamaka
Have a great day.

Hello from my system!

I don’t know why, but I was scared to look at my blog on my system, like someone who just underwent a facial reconstructive surgery being nervous about their face…

I held my breath, then I released, then I held it again when it seemed like I had forgotten my password, after being so comfortable blogging from my mobile.

I must say though! This feels like heaven, typing from my system, I should do this more often… which means there’s a new prayer request: modem. I can’t be buying 100Naira Wi-Fi access everyday na…

…But this feels great oh. okay, I see that I need to work on my web layout and all that, but thank you for sticking with me so far ,kai, this looks so not-so-fine, but it looked neat on my phone. So I will work on it. I feel happy lol, blogging from my system. oh well…

… a lot of ‘…’ today, and I don’t know where they’re coming from. it’s like, I’m experiencing my blog from a new perspective, and I see so much potential! I just have to detach myself from the 5 inches of my phone screen and learn to adapt to this awesome 14 inches worth of space.

I love you guys!

and I will work on this layout, so help me God! Amen.

Much Love,

from your Girlfriend

Who blogged on her system for the first time and is still feeling good about it.

 

 

In secondary school

Adults have always been more of my friends than my age mates. I mean, what could 21 year olds possibly know, that adults won’t know, right?

Nah. It’s never really been about that.

I did not really have friends in secondary school, which was a government school. I did not know how to relate and when I did, I did the wrong things, said the wrong things, made the wrong expressions, or I was really stubborn when we had arguments, and ended our friendships. I just didn’t get the hang and attachments that came with secondary school.

The teachers on the other hand, they just flowed with me like water.I enjoyed going to their offices, sitting down, having them ask me questions. As a prefect, they would advise me to be serious and not allow contrabands, or be caught cheating in the exam hall, or let anyone smuggle food out of the dining hall.

Let me say, that I was not a ‘perfect student’ in any way. Yes, I had a charisma around adults, but I was not a favourite among my set. My classmates were another matter though: it seemed to me like they had come to respect me as I was: their class captain with a weird way of life, weird, in the sense that I could not really flow with my age mates, but I was in my element with the staff.

Staff! Students and staff never really got along, and that was another problem, it seemed to them like I was a snitch. Because the staff liked me. And they showed it. And it grated on the other students’ nerves.

Till today, my classmates call me ‘class capo’ whenever they see me, anywhere. It got so embarrassing that even when I got to the university, and met some of them, they still called me class captain and head-boy (which is a story for another day). I had to beg them to let it go.

Now that I think of it, I enjoyed secondary school. I have a journal that chronicled my depression through out my seven years in FGGC Sagamu. I was depressed most of the time. And when I repeated a class? It was liquid hell. 

But the teachers were always there. There will be more on this. I promise myself that. 

This Innocence they talk about.

I have spoken with some people, after which they told me that I am innocent. 

Okay?

 I ask, is that a good or a bad thing? They say it is good, that I have not been corrupted by the happenings in the world.

I smile.

I have never been a happening babe on campus. Popular, sometimes, but to be in that circle of people who know what’s up? Not me.

One said I am innocent because I’m not ‘loose’, and don’t show signs of becoming so anytime soon.

Okay?

At times I begin to wonder if I sound like an idiot when someone says ‘there’s an innocence about you’. I hear something closer to ‘you haven’t seen the world, you don’t know how it works’.

Here’s the shocker: I have had my fair share of the world, as young as I am, from a little age, I was ‘exposed’ to the blows that life can deal you mercilessly, and if that doesn’t count, I’m seeing more everyday.

So why in the world has it not shown on my face, or in my speech?

I really wonder.

Long Time

It’s been a while I blogged, there should be a subscription for just WordPress, to help my career.

I felt a kind of inadequacy for a while, not being able to open my WordPress and read the workings of the smart people here, mostly not being able to reapond to Esther’s awesome challenge? but I’m back!

For a while  😊.

I need to sort out data problems. But for the time I’m here, I intend to make the most of it. There’s so much to learn, I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to be part of such an intelligent community.

To my newest followers, you’re very welcome, I hope we get to be friends. 

Aha, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, see you soon!

Much love, for real.

Your Girlfriend