Good morning, Beloved.
Whatever your idea of big is, I leave to you. But this big is my big. I am big.huge in fact. Gone are the days when I would cry because I did not wear a size 8.
In retrospect, I never really cried, I just stayed hopeful that one day, I would grow up and see me, veery slim with long legs, on a runway.
Isn’t that where most of them end up? Or I should rephrase, isn’t that where movies have told us they end up? All the american teenagers who were bullied in highschool became supermodels in the future, with a lot of friends and fine teeth.
Oh, please, let me hear word.
I’m grown, with long legs, but no where near a size 8, make that a double, thank you. And if I say I want to be a model now? I’ll just be a plus sized model, they’re very much in business.
My costume and make up lecturer (an AMAA Award Winning Thespian) would say that Africans are thick, naturally rounded and fleshy, but the western world has blinded some people to thinking anorexia is a fashion.- this interpretation is all mine.
I have noticed a trend around me and I now take it as one of those things that will keep happening to me.
People like me, because I’m big- guys, men, boys who still reason in one direction-the one guided by their zippers, they think I ‘full-ground’ (which means you occupy space literally, but in Nigeria, means more things than that. In this context, it means you fill out nicely).
For some people, my big means I’m bossy, or a snob, or very motherly. For some it means I’m obese. For some other people, I should be a basketballer and stop wasting the height.
A colleague of mine who has big hips, has for the past three years been ashamed of her big back side; she would wear nice clothes but still have a scarf to ‘cover’ from her waist down. Very beautiful, but very insecure.
This lecturer had to call her out in front of the class one time. That was when she gave her pep talk on loving your body and accepting yourself.
I had done that a long time ago, I even have a mantra to this day: we can’t all be slim. It gives me space to breathe and appreciate the ones who are not like me and the ones who I’m not like.
There is so much to say about this, and I will say it. With all my 81kg load of matter.