Who do you say I am?

I ask my friends sometimes. it’s good to know what the people who you draw close to you think of you. 

Why?

Because when it comes down to the dirty work, they’d be comfortable enough to wipe your butt if you sat in feaces.

Why?

Because they know you’d do same.

But.

Who do they know you to be?

I just experienced a very hilarious episode of my life, but I wasn’t the main actor, imagine that. I was supporting actor. Oya, relax, let me give you details.

 Some guy had told my friend that he heard a rumor that I was pregnant. 

                          Me. 

As I type this, I’m close to tears.

Tears from laughter. Hehehehe.

He was so certain I was, and he said it with all seriousness. Ask me how I know he was serious when he said it, after all I wasn’t there… You see, I’m a drama student, my friend is too, that means we have the gift of emphasis and representation, so she replayed the scene professionally.

You don hear say Amaka don get belle? Na why she no dey come class na, you no see as she big? I even hear say this girl don do abortion, na why her yansh drop small- na wetin abortion dey cause’ 

The English translation of that:

(Have you heard that Amaka is pregnant? That’s why she hasn’t been attending classes, haven’t you noticed that she has added weight? I even heard that another girl had an abortion, that’s the reason for the way her buttocks look- abortion)

Then, after coming out of that character, my friend asked me: are you pregnant?

I said no.

And then I asked if she had believed the guy’s story. She said no, that she decided to shut up and ask me, then tell me the news making rounds. Then jokingly I said, ‘if I’m pregnant, you know you’d be the first to know’.

I adviced her to be careful, because the same guy who was comfortable telling tales about me, had just finished distributing free copies of another one about her. Gladly, she knew.

Sad part is, this young man is handsome! You would think his packaging was as good on the inside as it was on the outside, but nah. He’s just fine. Fine and empty.

At that moment, I knew I had a squad. Not a picture taking squad, but a real, sister and friend squad. 

I understand what Jesus must have felt when Peter said ‘…you are the Son of God’. Jesus had a squad. He really is the author and finisher of everything, that’s why we have to look up to Jesus- He always set good examples.
In summary, I’m an advocate of no sex until marriage.
I missed you, did you miss me?

Much love, 

Your Girlfriend.

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2 thoughts on “Who do you say I am?”

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